to hell and back

Okay-for anyone dying to know about the wedding here's the summary....but first the facts
Nephew of oldest bro getting married in Chicago Saturday at 1 p.m.
Sis works for Delta,has a hubby and 2 sons, one 13 the other 4
Me- flying cheap stand-by on a buddy pass
weather report -storms and/or heavy rain

The original plan....
I spend the night at sis's Friday, leave at 9 our time Saturday arrive Chicago 9:15 local. Go to hotel,(which I'm sharing room with all of them) chill and change, be at church at 12:30. Reception, back to hotel. Fly out at 9 a.m. Sunday local time,arrive in Cincy 11 a.m or so. Nephew makes his 3 p.m. football game,sis has time to chill before going to work at 5, I make it to help sis-in-law break down booth.

How it went....

Friday-made it to sis's house around 4 p.m., after she had left for work. Made dinner for the boys(stroganoff, which 13 year old said was better than his mom's, and 4 year old tried but pronounced "icky"...forgot bro-in-law detests sour cream and noodles). Sissy calls from work around 9 p.m. to say we have to fly into Milwaukee because all flights to Chicago Friday night got cancelled due to storms and since we were on stand-by, we got bumped.So we have a 9 a.m. flight out arrive Milwaukee at 9:25 local hop in rental car, drive an hour to Chicago,change at hotel and still make it to wedding in time.
Bro-in-law decides not to iron kid's clothes, since we will be riding in car and will still have time to iron them at hotel before wedding.
2 a.m. (while I sleep on couch) sis arrives home to find BIL didn't finish packing boy's stuff, loud argument ensues.
7:30 a.m. Saturday-leave for airport (20 min ride) sit in backseat with the kids...who argue
8:30 a.m.-get pulled aside for "special security screening" in Cincy. wonder if I wore these shoes while fertilizing plants at work, cleared and head for gate.
9 a.m. (original departure time)-plane is being delayed for security reasons(does this have something to do with my "special screening"?start getting paranoia.
10:30 a. m.-finally board small commuter jet and start for Milwaukee
10:45 local time-land in Milwaukee,make mad dash to rental car,drive 80 mph towards Chicago.
forgetting about tolls,thereby necessitating having to dig in purse etc. for change. Sit in back seat between boys(one in booster seat)who are still fighting. Desperately want a smoke, but can't reach window to flick ashes.
12 noon-make it to hotel, boy's clothes still need ironing,adults changed and church is 30 minutes away.
12:15 leave hotel for church,heavy rain.sis asks BIL for directions,which he left at hotel.....argument ensues.I sit in back seat with 2 boys arguing,while adults argue in front
make it to church 10 minutes late

wedding- full Catholic mass, and I just want to have a drink. afterwards,oldest bro invites us all to new in-law's house for a "pre-reception" party....we decline and head back to hotel,stopping for beer and a pizza along the way.
hotel room-4 year old starts jumping bed to bed, told to stop,makes wise ass comment. sis and BIL ignore him and watch tv. 4 year old picks up glass and acts like he's gonna throw it at his brother. I snatch it from his hand. 4 year old calls me a bitch, I admonish him. Sis gets pissed at everyone and storms out of room. When she returns, admonishes everyone, including me for disciplining her child.
Reception- sis and bro in law fighting to verge of divorce, kids fighting in back seat, me wishing I never even come. Arrive at reception hall. Bro in law gets drunk,bad mouths sis to me and my other brother and nephew who isn't getting married, but is best man. I sit back by bar, smoking and trying to stay hidden. Dinner is tasteless, reception is one of those choreographed affairs. Oldest brother is getting toasted and pulls me onto dance floor to polka.(I didn't even dance at my own wedding!) Sister announces 4 year old is ready to go,so we leave at 10.
Sunday morning-awake at 6 a.m. for 9 a.m. flight home.Call Delta to ensure seats available,find 20 open. Only adult not hungover. Drive to airport, digging up change for the friggin tollbooths. Listening to kids fight,adults being silent to each other.
8 a.m.-arrive at O'Hare (huge place)turn in rental car, ride to terminal. again subject to "special screening" (what is it about me?) Turn down sis's offer of Starbucks, saying I'll get some coffee when we get back home. Head to gate. Find out American cancelled 2 flights and their passengers have taken available seats. Inquire about next 2 departing flights only to find them booked also. Start wondering how we're getting home in time for sis to make it to work. 13 year old realizes he won't make his football game and pouts. 4 year old starts whining.Adults start looking for rental car counters.
O'Hare's rental car counters are outside main terminals.....adults go outside to smoke. Ask rental car shuttle drivers to call into counter for car availability. Avis finds one car available. Jump on shuttle and head to Avis. Get rental car, and pile in, head for exit. BIL forgot rental agreement back at office and we head back to get it so we can get out of lot. Hit the highway,and more friggin tollbooths.
Finally! Indiana! Pit stop,grab a coffee,boys whine for snacks,and gas station trinkets.Back on road.....One hour of peace as 4 year old passes out,and sis does too.
4 p.m.Sunday-arrive at CVG,drop off rental,take shuttle to terminal to pick up luggage (which unlike me,has been here since 10 in the morning) take shuttle to sis's car and hit the highway.
4:30-arrive at sis's house, jump in car, head toward sis-in-law's festival to help breakdown.Savor large roomy seat,cigarette and silence......
Sunday night
Told my nephew and middle brother that if there is another out of town wedding and I can't afford to get my own room and rental car, don't expect me to show.